No Drinks Till Vegas

Day Fourty Six

2007-05-10T15:57:00.000-07:00

This is goodbye on many levels:

Goodbye to the harassment – I’ll have that drink now
Goodbye to the awkward social scene – Another round of shots here!
Goodbye to the early Sunday mornings – Who knew there was a sun on this day?
Goodbye to writing about sobriety – These people are a bore and legible
Goodbye to sobriety – Sometimes it’s best not to remember
Goodbye to Chicago - Hello to Las Vegas!

If I should not return, know this:

Not drinking, is not necessary. Like everything in life moderation is key. There can be too much of a good thing. Drinking is like music; some are seriously involved, and some are casual participants. It changes with the times as much as it stays the same. Drinking and driving is always a bad idea. Drinking and dancing is a car wreck of a different nature. Finally, your favorite song, much like your favorite drink, will make you sick if you have too much of it.

0 days left.

Day Fourty Five

2007-05-09T15:55:00.000-07:00

A judge ordered the socialite to report to a county jail in suburban L.A. by June 5 to serve 45 days for violating the terms of her probation in an alcohol-related reckless driving case.

Can two distant souls be more intertwined? Paris, I can help you. For I know what it is like to be separated from booze, well not legally separated, but separated nonetheless. Sure, living in jail will not prove to be a Simple Life (I know) but you will survive (unlike House of Wax). You have been prepared via your reality series. The accommodations you will experience might even be better then those you lived with and inspired (mocked and embarrassed). The meals will be provided for you, your schedule will be planned out and you won’t even have to work (how is this different?)! Plus when you are released you have the whole talk show circuit to milk.

…But the booze, oh, how this will be difficult. No longer will you be able to show your snootch, freely, without inciting unwanted advances. No longer will you be able to splash a drink on another woman without it resulting in your Solomon hole being wired shut. No longer will you have to endure the high sodium diet you have become adjusted to, they offer chicken and vegetables not Cristal and semen.

Look at this time as a time for change. There is much to learn in jail, most importantly, consequences. A person can not go though life, doing as they wish, living a shallow existence of unwarranted fame and wealth, setting a poor example for others, without paying a price. And that price…45 days in a celebrity jail. Please take this to heart, for we tax payers are picking up the tab on this. All we ask is that, if you see us out at the bar, (with Lindsey or Brit) please pick up ours.

1 day left.

Day Fourty Four

2007-05-08T15:53:00.000-07:00

VILNIUS, Lithuania - Climbing into a giraffe's cage at the local zoo seemed a good idea after a few drinks. But the prank went wrong when the 1.3-ton animal flew into a rage and attacked the three student trespassers at a zoo in Lithuania on Monday night.
reserved.

Let me begin with the fact that I have done a lot of dumb things while I have been intoxicated. That said, I don’t think riding a giraffe ever came across my mind. These long necked leopard horses have gone un-ridden for far too long. It’s about time some young adventurous gents took it upon themselves to right this appalling wrong.

You hear that Geoffrey? Like mine, you’re days are numbered.

2 days left

Day Fourty Three

2007-05-07T11:49:00.000-07:00

I'm sick still, this sucks.

Tony: Maybe your body is fighting your non-drinking.

Me: Yeah, it's saying, "I'm going to kill you if you don't stop this."

This feels very true.

3 days left.

Day Fourty Two

2007-05-06T11:41:00.000-07:00

And on the seventh day he rested. He then said looked at what he accomplished and said, "Why did I do this again?"

4 days left.

Day Fourty One

2007-05-05T11:37:00.000-07:00

This is the last Saturday without drinking. It was filled with a family birthday party. One turned 13 and the other 16. Incidentally both of these ages hold meaning to my drinking. Tried booze at 13 and was able to drive to places to drink booze at 16. Ah, memories!

5 days left.

Day Fourty

2007-05-04T18:38:00.001-07:00

A videotape made by David Hasselhoff’s daughters shows the recovering alcoholic falling off the wagon, Hasselhoff acknowledged Thursday, but the actor added that he is doing much better since it was made. The video, which aired Thursday on TV tabloid shows, depicts an apparently inebriated Hasselhoff, clad only in blue jeans, lying on the floor of a room and clumsily eating a hamburger while one of his daughters reproves him about his drinking.

So, it looks like I’m kicking the Hoff’s ass in this whole not drinking thing.

“I am a recovering alcoholic,” Hasselhoff said in a statement issued Thursday. Unfortunately, one evening I did have a brief relapse, but part of recovery is relapse.”

Oh, you have to go back to drinking in order to stop dinking!

Kitt: What are you doing Michael?

Knight: The judge said I have to install this breathalyzer thing on you.

Kitt: Michael, that’s a cheeseburger…

Knight: You’re not the boss of me!

Kitt: Don’t stain my interior!

Knight: …………..

Kitt: Michael…Michael…aaaaaaaand you just peed yourself.

6 days left.

Day Thirty Nine

2007-05-03T18:35:00.000-07:00

I’ve noticed that ever since I began this experiment I’ve been a little fuzzy. I have a difficult time getting up in the morning, my memory hasn’t been as sharp, and I’ve developed a slight stutter. The exact reverse of what should be occurring.

Paradox

Could this mean that I require alcohol to function properly? My Tin Man brain needs its oil? Or could this be a result of the stressors that come with the non drinking lifestyle. Looks like someone might be applying for a research grant!

7 days left.

Day Thirty Eight

2007-05-02T20:18:00.000-07:00

8 days left.

Day Thirty Seven

2007-05-01T16:40:00.000-07:00

R. Kelly has written a new song, “Rise Up,” about healing in the aftermath of the April 16 shootings at Virginia Tech. The lyrics include the lines: “Rise up, when you feel you can’t go on, rise up, and all of your hope is gone, rise up, when you’re weak and you can’t be strong.”

Now replace “Rise” with “Drink”......Good.

I heard if you sync this song up with his wee-wee video it’s awesome.

9 days left.

Day Thirty Six

2007-04-30T16:11:00.000-07:00

I’m starting to get sick. My throat feels itchy, sore, and burns, much like it must feel after sex with Tommy Lee. This better not be (insert most recent pandemic scare), otherwise this will seriously hamper my drinking in Vegas.

10 days left

Day Thirty Five

2007-04-29T16:05:00.000-07:00

Sox game. I know. I’m a Cubs fan, BUT:

1. It was a beautiful day outside

2. I was with a bunch of friends

3. Cheap tickets

4. They lost!

The not drinking sucked. However, that further separated me from affiliating myself with the sox persona, you know: drunk, stained undershirt, hi-fiving my buddy on the left while backhanding my wife with the right. Of course, I’m kidding. They have done a lot more then the Cubs to make it a family friendly environment.

11 days left

Day Thirty Four

2007-04-28T16:01:00.000-07:00

Things I’ve learned today:

Playing any sport outside, on a gorgeous day, noncompetitively, is difficult without sport drinks (ice cold beers).

If someone who is 6’5” wants to spike a ball on me, more then likely, they will be able to. However, this will not prevent me from attempting to block/embarrass myself.

When driving a car load full of drunks the radio is useless. Even if it goes to eleven, the drunks will surmount its seemingly deafening chorus to remind you that you need Mario Andretti it to your destination to avoid a stream of piss down the back of your neck. Tony Robins be damned, that is motivation enough.

Bromance….not that into it. I’m down for one, maybe two, fist pounds in an evening outside of sporting events. After that, let’s just appreciate each others company in a non awkward, adult patty cake, sort of way.

My friends, while entertaining, are not funnier then Dave Attell. When he chooses to single you out for interrupting his performance and insults you, take it like a man/woman. Your comeback will not be better then a professional comedian’s. This reminds me of the old saying: when you play with fire…..something about flames…wait, is that whole saying about the gays…

About the gays, nice folks. Not that I ran into any this evening, or did I? If you are near me, and feel it necessary to go on a homophobic rant, write it all down. I will look it over for spelling and grammar errors, and you can take it to your next clan meeting. I hear they have bitching lemon squares.

12 days left.

Day Thirty Three

2007-04-27T21:13:00.000-07:00

This is my friday night. Except replace cookie monster with laundry and my self respect with overwhelming disappointment.

13 days left.

Day Thirty Two

2007-04-27T18:38:00.000-07:00

Another poker night. Much easier this time. I think my disgust for chewing tobacco keeps my mind off the lack of drinking. My distaste for “cowboy gum” is similar to many people’s aversion to some of my favorite liquids, namely, whiskey and tequila.

Whiskey gets a bad rap for its “angry” or “fighting booze” image. I don’t think that this is fair, and I will kick you teeth out if say this in front of me.

Tequila gets a bad rap because people say, “I get crazy on that stuff; I shouldn’t.” Correction; you should, and you should do it quickly. The reason we just offered you tequila is because you are boring the shit out of us!

I miss you friends.

14 days left.

Day Thirty One

2007-04-25T18:36:00.000-07:00

I just picked up an I-Pass today. I think I might be the last Illinois driver to do this. I just had a hard time giving into the convenience due to my conspiracy theory mind (These last sentences had a lot of “I’s”). This device monitors your passing though the tolling stations and only needs to use simple math to calculate your speed. It’s just a matter of time before they start to mail out tickets to hapless commuters.

Aside from that, the efficiency got me to think about my drinking. I-Pass is the shot glass of the drinking world. It gets you where you were headed quicker. Sure you can stop at the manual booth (drinking beers) but, when you come to accept why you got on that road in the first place, you’ll go for the I-Pass.

15 days left

Day Thirty

2007-04-24T18:17:00.000-07:00

Good news, for people, who love good news and booze!

CHICAGO - Coffee may counteract alcohol’s poisonous effects on the liver and help prevent cirrhosis, researchers say. In a study of more than 125,000 people, one cup of coffee per day cut the risk of alcoholic cirrhosis by 20 percent. Four cups per day reduced the risk by 80 percent. The coffee effect held true for women and men of various ethnic backgrounds.

It appears that my prior weekend escapades were negated by my addiction to another substance. Hurray! Maybe I can negate the effects of other activities in the same manner. I’ll let you know how my whole crystal meth/zebra cakes theory works out.

16 days left.

Day Twenty Nine

2007-04-23T18:14:00.000-07:00

There are times in life were a drink feels necessary. Not to get drunk, just because it fits. A wake is one of these occasions.

My uncle Nicky passed away this weekend and his wake was today. Everyone liked him; In fact, I can’t recall him without a smile on his face. He was a barber until he retired. A barber in the true sense, barber’ pole, smock, old guys sitting around for no reason, the works. I used to get all my haircuts at his shop when I was young. I still remember him and that place, vividly. Even his smell. After I was done getting my haircut, he’d kiss me goodbye on my cheek. He always smelled of a talc/comb sterilizer combination and his scruff felt like sandpaper. I mean, he must have had a twelve o’ clock shadow. As I stood by his casket I swear I could smell his barbershop all over again. I’d sure like that drink.

17 days left.

Day Twenty Eight

2007-04-22T18:10:00.000-07:00

Nurse! From headache to backache. The batting cages finally crept up on me. The soreness has made this a lazy day. No big deal, just go see a movie. Hot Fuzz. To bad 20% of this movie has people boozing in it. Ahhhh!

Well at least you can get some sleep and call it an early night.

Allergies: Hey asshole, we’re back!

Me: Oh please just let me get some sleep, you can do whatever you want tomorrow.

Allergies: Fuck that. We’re staying up all night. Party!

Me: I hate you.

Allergies: We hate you more.

18 days left.

Day Twenty Seven

2007-04-21T18:08:00.000-07:00

Tonight I went to an awful show at a bar. Local H. Please, due yourself a favor and if they are playing in your town, for $15 cover, just take that money and pay someone to piss in your ears, it’d be less offensive to the senses.

Whilst being assaulted auditorily, I began to think that I might be addicted to fluid intake and not just that of alcohol. I must have consumed about 8-10 glasses of water during the evening. Surprisingly, this would have been around the same number of drinks I would have had if I were indulging in the adult sodas. So is it just that simple? I need liquid and I’m going to cram it in no matter the flavor? To bad none of this thinking is helping my headache.

19 days left.

Day Twenty Six

2007-04-20T18:37:00.000-07:00

“You are a rude, thoughtless little pig.”

“You don’t have the brains or the decency as a human being,”

“I don’t give a damn that you’re 26 years old, or 27 years old, or that you’re a drunk, or that you’re a thoughtless pain in the ass who doesn’t care about what you do as far as I’m concerned. You have humiliated me for the last time with this non-drinking.”

Man…Alec Baldwin is the worst sponsor, ever!

20 days left.

Day Twenty Five

2007-04-19T18:03:00.000-07:00

You will be missed good sir, much like my drinking, you will be missed.

21 days left

Day Twenty Four

2007-04-18T18:01:00.000-07:00

22 days left

Day Twenty Three

2007-04-17T19:31:00.000-07:00

I’ve explained this whole non drinking thing, a few times now, to several people. Top five responses have been:

Sounds pretty gay!
Did you get a DUI?
I think you’re doing it backwards; you need to build up to Vegas.
You will die in Vegas.
Wow, yeah I should try and do that for a while.

My response:

Incorrect. The gay populations are drinkers. They are proud supporters of the wine and martini industry. Also, rainbows, hair products, and your gym.
No I did not. I find that drunken cab rides are far to entertaining to pass up.
I think at the rate I was building up to Vegas; Vegas would have been the least of my worries.
As long as it’s via white tiger…I’m OK with that.
Don’t, because as soon as I’m done with this experiment I’ll need you for moral support. By “moral support” I mean, “picking up my bar tab.”

23 days left.

Day Twenty Two

2007-04-16T17:42:00.000-07:00

This just in: Chicago will host the Olympics!*

*This statement is more of a, “we have the opportunity, to possibly, be considered as one of the options, out of five other countries, to host an event, which the Olympic committee will not vote upon for another two years, that will not occur for another nine years.”

The tension is killing me. If there was ever was a time I needed my time machine (Several bottles of whiskey) it would be now! I can’t wait to make my dreams come true of finally drinking with the Jamaican bobsled team…..what…that’s the winter Olympics? Son of a bitch!

24 days left.

Day Twenty One

2007-04-15T20:13:00.000-07:00

Today I had dinner with my dad. Ended up having a brief conversation about this blog.

Me: I've been keeping up with that blog on the internet.

Dad: Oh yeah?

Me: I'm pretty sure you wouldn't like what I write.

Dad: Yeah, probably not.

Me: So, Vegas....

Good times.

25 days left.

Day Twenty

2007-04-14T23:57:00.000-07:00

Saturday, Saturday, Saturday Saturday, Saturday, Saturday Saturday, Saturday, Saturday night's all right....

Except when you're not drinking it's:

Kinda gay, Kinda gay, Kinda gay Kinda gay, Kinda gay, Kinda gay Kinda gay, Kinda gay, Kinda gay, and that's not right...

It's a joke Elton. No need to Hisssssss

26 days left.

Day Nineteen

2007-04-13T20:45:00.000-07:00

And the weekend can begin sucking……..now. Not drinking seriously hampers your options. I checked movie times to prove this theory. Last showing for of the evening: Wild Hogs at 10:30pm. Yeah, not so much.

From IMDB:

Four middle-aged men (Tim Allen, John Travolta, Martin Lawrence, William H. Macy) decide to take a road trip from Cincinnati to the Pacific in order to get away from their lives which are leading them nowhere. Taking their motorcycles, these "Wild Hogs" tear up the road and eventually stop in New Mexico for a drink not knowing that the bar belongs to the "Del Fuegos", a mean biker gang. When the Del Fuegos steal a bike that belongs to the Wild Hogs, the four men form a plan to steal their bike back. Written by Glenn D. Harvey

Fuck you Glenn, fuck you very much!

27 days left.

Day Eighteen

2007-04-12T23:38:00.000-07:00

Try to follow this line of thought. I was reading up on Kurt Vonnegut’s life, because of his death. His extraordinary life illuminates his writing; Slaughterhouse-Five being one of, if not the most, prominent of his works. I’m certain that last sentence structure would have caused Mr. Vonnegut to shit himself. However, this spawned the thought of time travel, which then became Donnie Darko, which then became Tangent Universe theory, which then became The Manipulated Living, which then begat Job. Wait, scratch that last one.

“In the book Philosophy of Time Travel, it clearly states that The Manipulated Living, or the people who still reside and live within the Tangent Universe (This non-drinking experiment), must interact with the Living Receiver (Me) in order to fulfill his/her task of closing the tangent for good (Getting back to drinking). Usually they are close friends or in some instances family of the Receiver (You folks).”

So, try as I might, it is you, my friends, who will bring me back to reality. For that, I thank you!

28 days left.

Day Seventeen

2007-04-11T21:14:00.000-07:00

30 day mark, broken! Unlike my resolve. I will hold strong, much like in my college days, but the reverse. You see Wednesdays were Gatsby's days. My friend tended bar there and she was kind enough to serve us massive amounts of alcohol, free of charge from 1pm to 7pm. Of course we were underage, and of course we were supposed to be in class but that is not the way of the Saluki:
Sensitive and intelligent, the Saluki should never be trained using force or hard-handed methods. The Saluki can run just as fast as the greyhound and for longer distances. Translation = Don't cram shots our face. We are in for the long haul. Sprinting is for track meets. We are marathon runners.

They are usually quiet and don't bark unless there is a reason. Translation = We'll take another whiskey down here!

Salukis should not be allowed off leash. Their strong prey drive can lead them to chase deer and other animals, and they can be difficult to stop, seemingly becoming "drunk" with running. Translation = Do not dress like prey or you will become prey. We can't help it. It's in our blood.

Modern Salukis retain the qualities of hunting hounds. They may appear reserved and uninterested. They learn quickly but can get bored with repetition, so training sessions should be short and varied. Adequate fencing for Salukis is a must as they can easily jump a five-foot fence. Translation = Bland, academic books are the enemy of the Saluki. I give you Faner Hall (very prisonesque):

They do not bark much but "sing" when they feel that something is wrong or when a member of the family is away for a long period of time. This is from the National Veterinary Scholars. Translation = And this is why we rock at karaoke.

29 days left.

Day Sixteen

2007-04-10T23:25:00.000-07:00

Tuesday came and went without incident. Much like premature senility. At least I've got the Wii to go with it. The elderly love this thing!

30 days left.

Day Fifteen

2007-04-09T23:46:00.000-07:00

Don Imus went on Al Sharpton’s radio show to get grilled today. I’m not going to defend Imus, but I do want to know why he didn’t go the alcohol route. Doesn’t he know it’s in vogue to blame all your mistakes on alcohol? Erratic behavior…alcohol. Troubled marriage….alcohol. All the worlds problems…Jews…shit, I mean alcohol. Damn, see what you did Mel?

Maybe this is what I have been doing? Maybe this whole quitting thing is just an excuse to blame alcohol? After all, what has alcohol ever done to me? Oh yeah, the phrase “Hey, just move your cuffs to the side when you sit back, it’ll hurt less,” comes to mind.

31 days left.

Day Fourteen

2007-04-08T23:41:00.000-07:00

Easter has come! The Lord has risen…and he brings colored eggs? I still don’t get that one. Furthermore, that Cadbury Easter egg commercial screws with my head, momentarily, every time it’s on.

James: Do bunnies really lay eggs?

Brain: No, you idiot. Seriously, you graduated college?

James: You know what I did to you there!

Brain: Yeah, it took me 5 years because it was a freaking whiskey swim meet in here every weekend.

James: But, we looked good in that Speedo.

Brain: That’s it, I’m done. Penis, he’s all yours!

Penis: Sweet!

James: Sweet!

32 days left.

Day Thirteen

2007-04-07T20:55:00.000-07:00

Ah, lucky thirteen. I've done nothing today and it feels good; Haven't slipped up yet. Because I don't want to do anything to upset the Easter Bunny. Hear that Bunny? I've been good!

33 days left.

Day Twelve

2007-04-06T23:27:00.000-07:00

Decided to take it easy tonight and go see a movie. Grindhouse. Good flick. Some people got up after the first part and left.

Overheard from the couple leaving halfway through: "That was the worst movie I've ever seen."

This movie is an homage to the grind house films of the 1970's. It's supposed to suck. Kind of like your relationship, couple that doesn't get it. Now enjoy complaining to each other how much you hated it while you drive home. Don't forget to feed the cats before you go to bed. They seemed like cat people, and I bet they wear matching pajamas ...that smell like cat piss.

I digress. I actually laughed a lot. The part I didn't find funny was the bar scene in Death Proof. Wow, that made me miss drinking. Damn you Tarantino! Although, that's his M.O. Bringing back actors that you tried to forget about and then you realized you've missed them all along. But this time it's not Travolta, it's tequila.

34 days left.

Day Eleven

2007-04-05T23:00:00.000-07:00

Poker night, again. This one was was easier due to the fact I made it through the first one. Sober gambling just seems so much more effective then drunken gambling. Although, all the fun bets are of the drunken verity.

Mugsy: $50 if you drink that bottle of ketchup

Me: Deal

Mugsy: I'll give you another $50 to drink that mustard

Me: Hold on, let me wash this ketchup down with my Guinness

35 days left.

Day Ten

2007-04-04T20:53:00.000-07:00

Just booked my flight. The excitement has begun to set in. It may be hard to sleep tonight. If there where only some sort of depressant that would aid in this endeavor? Alas, a restless evening of sleep shall only be a minor inconvenience when looking ahead to the greater goal! One's ability to stay the course in times of trial are the true signs of one's merit. I will need to remind myself of this when I'm disposing of the dead hooker's body.

36 days left.

Day Nine

2007-04-03T19:33:00.000-07:00

I miss my Jack Daniel's. I feel like we've grown apart so much in this last week that I am nervous about meeting up with him again.

Jack: "Uh, so where you been dude?"

Me: "I needed a break man"

Jack: "And you just expect me to take you back, just like that?"

Me: "Look it wasn't easy for me either!"

Jack: "You always were a bitch"

37 days left.

Day Eight

2007-04-02T19:36:00.000-07:00

A week has gone by and it's not getting much easier. Tonight is the NCAA championship. Why must sports exist! I'm am now convinced that alcohol was created for those that are not skilled enough to be a professional athlete.

I can't dunk but I can slam this beer!

Side note: I hate Noah and his freaking Sanjaya fro.

38 days left.

Day Seven

2007-04-01T20:16:00.000-07:00

On to sporting events. Blackhawks game. Just the guys. Stretch Lincon Navigator. But, no drinking. I'm begining to think my friends are leary that I'm a NARC. Going to a pro sporting event without drinking feels like sex with a condom. Sure you're there....but are you really there? Even the beer man called me a pussy. Sure he didn't say it but I know he was thinking it...oh I know!

39 days left.

Day Six

2007-03-31T23:55:00.000-07:00

Not drinking on a friend's birthday is rough. You tend to feel like a third testicle. You just hanging around not doing much, certainly not participating, and feel like the others are wondering why you're even there. Then you my get to thinking, Lance Armstrong, did it all with one nut! Holy shit, I am useless. Might as well get a drink. But, no. He showed the world that a man with only one plum to smuggle could have the racing world by its collective balls. I must forge on.

40 Days left.

Day Five

2007-03-30T18:06:00.000-07:00

Freaking Friday. The weekends are going to be the true test of my resolve. So far so good though. I went to dinner with my Father, who I believe, might be more Catholic then the pope. During my trip to the bathroom (inspired by the 5 cups of Dunkin Donuts coffee I drank earlier) I heard the most beautiful whistle. The gentleman in the stall next to me had no idea how beautiful his siren song was that led my browns to the Superbowl. Hold fast man, the weekend has just begun.

41 days left.

Day Four

2007-03-29T23:45:00.000-07:00

Poker night. Every Thursday night we have people over to our place to play Texas hold 'em. Everyone drinks and has a good time, except this night, no drinking for me. Now I'm not a superstitious person, and I love my dog, but anytime Barkley gets near someone they're going to loose that hand. He's now considered bad luck at this house. I have decided to augment his diet a bit due to this. Nothing but Lucky Charms, Shamrock Shakes, and rabbit's feet for him. He'll either be stuffed full of the luck of the Irish or shitting every 5 seconds; which will keep him away from me during cards.

42 days left.

Day Three

2007-03-28T18:25:00.000-07:00

Getting locked out of your car = embarrassment

Doing so in front of your boss after a meeting with clients = shame

Having your boss drive you to your Dad's house to get a spare set of keys = optomistic shame

Dad not being home and having your boss drive you back to the clients office = just kill me now

Add to that someone break checking you on the way to another client and spilling hot coffee all over you and your paperwork. Getting a paper cut while putting the paperwork back together. Returning to the office to clean up and using hand sanitizer, forgetting about the paper cut.

43 days left.

Day Two

2007-03-27T20:04:00.000-07:00

While true tests await upon the horizon I have decided to add something to...or is it remove something from the mix?

Cleanse Smart

Keep out of the reach of children: Check

Do not use if you develop diarrhea, loose stools, or abdominal pain: Too late

Consult your physician if you have frequent diarrhea: Who has a physician? I don't even see someone cut my hair regularly.

If you are pregnant, nursing, taking medication or have a medical condition, consult your health care professional before using this product: What about if I should be on medication?

I'm hoping the next two weeks of regularity will remove the 27 years of bodily sinning.

44 days left.

Day One

2007-03-26T18:43:00.000-07:00

According to the National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism binge drinking is defined as a pattern of alcohol consumption that brings the blood alcohol concentration (BAC) level to 0.08% or above. This pattern of drinking usually corresponds to more than 4 drinks on a single occasion for men or more than 3 drinks on a single occasion for women, generally within about 2 hours (3).

This is my Friday or Saturday night. Sometimes both.

This is most of my friend's Friday or Saturday night. Sometimes both.

This might be your Friday or Saturday night. Hell, it might be your tonight!

In 46 days I will be in Las Vegas meeting the NIAAA's standards to the fullest. So, I am going to test the limits of my patience, resolve, and sanity, much to the delight of my liver, kidneys and brain. However, negatively effecting my social life, my dancing skills, and lonely obese women.

45 days left.