Day Fourty Six

This is goodbye on many levels:

Goodbye to the harassment – I’ll have that drink now
Goodbye to the awkward social scene – Another round of shots here!
Goodbye to the early Sunday mornings – Who knew there was a sun on this day?
Goodbye to writing about sobriety – These people are a bore and legible
Goodbye to sobriety – Sometimes it’s best not to remember
Goodbye to Chicago - Hello to Las Vegas!

If I should not return, know this:

Not drinking, is not necessary. Like everything in life moderation is key. There can be too much of a good thing. Drinking is like music; some are seriously involved, and some are casual participants. It changes with the times as much as it stays the same. Drinking and driving is always a bad idea. Drinking and dancing is a car wreck of a different nature. Finally, your favorite song, much like your favorite drink, will make you sick if you have too much of it.

0 days left.

Day Fourty Five

A judge ordered the socialite to report to a county jail in suburban L.A. by June 5 to serve 45 days for violating the terms of her probation in an alcohol-related reckless driving case.

Can two distant souls be more intertwined? Paris, I can help you. For I know what it is like to be separated from booze, well not legally separated, but separated nonetheless. Sure, living in jail will not prove to be a Simple Life (I know) but you will survive (unlike House of Wax). You have been prepared via your reality series. The accommodations you will experience might even be better then those you lived with and inspired (mocked and embarrassed). The meals will be provided for you, your schedule will be planned out and you won’t even have to work (how is this different?)! Plus when you are released you have the whole talk show circuit to milk.

…But the booze, oh, how this will be difficult. No longer will you be able to show your snootch, freely, without inciting unwanted advances. No longer will you be able to splash a drink on another woman without it resulting in your Solomon hole being wired shut. No longer will you have to endure the high sodium diet you have become adjusted to, they offer chicken and vegetables not Cristal and semen.

Look at this time as a time for change. There is much to learn in jail, most importantly, consequences. A person can not go though life, doing as they wish, living a shallow existence of unwarranted fame and wealth, setting a poor example for others, without paying a price. And that price…45 days in a celebrity jail. Please take this to heart, for we tax payers are picking up the tab on this. All we ask is that, if you see us out at the bar, (with Lindsey or Brit) please pick up ours.

1 day left.

Day Fourty Four

VILNIUS, Lithuania - Climbing into a giraffe's cage at the local zoo seemed a good idea after a few drinks. But the prank went wrong when the 1.3-ton animal flew into a rage and attacked the three student trespassers at a zoo in Lithuania on Monday night.
reserved.

Let me begin with the fact that I have done a lot of dumb things while I have been intoxicated. That said, I don’t think riding a giraffe ever came across my mind. These long necked leopard horses have gone un-ridden for far too long. It’s about time some young adventurous gents took it upon themselves to right this appalling wrong.

You hear that Geoffrey? Like mine, you’re days are numbered.

2 days left

Day Fourty Three

I'm sick still, this sucks.

Tony: Maybe your body is fighting your non-drinking.

Me: Yeah, it's saying, "I'm going to kill you if you don't stop this."

This feels very true.

3 days left.

Day Fourty Two

And on the seventh day he rested. He then said looked at what he accomplished and said, "Why did I do this again?"

4 days left.

Day Fourty One

This is the last Saturday without drinking. It was filled with a family birthday party. One turned 13 and the other 16. Incidentally both of these ages hold meaning to my drinking. Tried booze at 13 and was able to drive to places to drink booze at 16. Ah, memories!

5 days left.

Day Fourty

A videotape made by David Hasselhoff’s daughters shows the recovering alcoholic falling off the wagon, Hasselhoff acknowledged Thursday, but the actor added that he is doing much better since it was made. The video, which aired Thursday on TV tabloid shows, depicts an apparently inebriated Hasselhoff, clad only in blue jeans, lying on the floor of a room and clumsily eating a hamburger while one of his daughters reproves him about his drinking.

So, it looks like I’m kicking the Hoff’s ass in this whole not drinking thing.

“I am a recovering alcoholic,” Hasselhoff said in a statement issued Thursday. Unfortunately, one evening I did have a brief relapse, but part of recovery is relapse.”

Oh, you have to go back to drinking in order to stop dinking!

Kitt: What are you doing Michael?

Knight: The judge said I have to install this breathalyzer thing on you.

Kitt: Michael, that’s a cheeseburger…

Knight: You’re not the boss of me!

Kitt: Don’t stain my interior!

Knight: …………..

Kitt: Michael…Michael…aaaaaaaand you just peed yourself.

6 days left.